My mother (96) died last week, 10:30 a.m., Thursday, March 13, 2014. For the past nine months I never left her. I am in her home. Surrounding me everywhere are her creative (she was Leo Sun) efforts to make a beautiful home and gardens. Everything around me is my mother. However, wherever I look, her precious body is no longer here. I am devastated, in grief, in bereavement and anguish. During these last nine months all activities, each breath I took, was for my mother.
I realize in my grief that all my life I have been seeking my mother. The nine months (nine tests, gestation to birth) were very difficult. Mother’s illness demanded skills I did not possess. Often at a loss as moment-by-moment emergencies ceaselessly occurred, I stood by helpless. She would cry out “Help me, help me!” I would ask, “How can I help, Mother?” She would say, “I don’t know. Find me in your heart. Love me.” Now with her gone I do not know why I should go on.
I feel bereft of life, purpose and desire. I look for her everywhere. Everywhere is empty. She is not here. My mother thought I was her mother and her beloved grandmother. She would sing a song over and over—“My Mom.” Here are the words. “My mom, I love her. That sweet somebody, thinks I’m somebody. My pal, my buddy, my mom. Anything I do she’s my inspiration. Anytime I’m blue she’s my consolation. As years come on her I gaze upon her.
She’s my Madonna. My mom.” (Batson, et al) I turn to the Esoteric Wisdom for help. “Regarding those who have passed into the light, follow them with your love. They are still the same people, minus the outer limiting shroud of body. Serve them, but seek not that they should serve your need of them. Go to them, but seek not to bring them back to you.” (Esoteric Healing) I am trying. Not succeeding. My mother is with her mother now. Her pal, her buddy, her Madonna. Her mom.
Aries-March 21–April 20
In quiet contemplation attempt to define what no longer serves a purpose in your life and what you can improve upon. Ponder upon these with serious intent. Use visualizing skills to bring forth all that’s new in your world. Which then would become new for everyone else. You’re to initiate new realities. They always begin in the mind. To be productive you must have solitude. Allow it to permeate your life. For now.
Taurus April 21–May 21
You’re very intelligent and observant about events in the world. You initiate new thought, discussions that awaken hearts and minds to realities unspoken and unobserved. Your information has impact. Many turn to you for advice. At times you’re restless, yet need more sleep. Taurus is the illumined mind, intrinsically understanding the wisdom of the Buddha. Prepare for Wesak.
Gemini May 22–June 20
You wonder about your work in the world and how your communication is received. More and more your thoughts, plans and ideas influence others. It’s time to consider what your opinion of the world is at this time, and what professional level you would like to assume. Many tasks will be required, much thinking and more and more responsibilities. You will accomplish much. Then you must rest.
Cancer June 21–July 20
Visions, thoughts and ideals occupy your mind these days. You’re in a cycle of expansion, gaining knowledge, learning more, impatient with mundane chatter. Enter into deeper communications, philosophical and later, psychological. You see the big picture. As small details of life fade away you find yourself forgetting things. Create a daily reminder journal, jotting each day’s events down. It becomes a creative journal.
Leo July 21–August 22
To earn your living with satisfaction it must have fun and playful aspects. You take pride in your work always seeking to do your best. To be the best you must feel a harmonious rhythm, you must feel independently creative, you must be recognized and you must experience joy. Is all of this occurring within your chosen profession? Does your work ease your heart?
Virgo August 23–September 22
Your mind is often a rich environment where ideas are shaped into ideals, which you attempt to cultivate and disseminate. It’s important to be aware of the seasons, planning through each season so you can, on outer levels, see that you are reaping and sowing, planting and gathering. Your self-awareness grows along with your seedlings.
Libra September 23–October 22
So many gifts you possess—tact and diplomacy, refinement in social skills, compromise and cooperation. All of these lead to Right Action and Right Relations, qualities needed in the Aquarian Age. You might want to consider expanding your Libra gifts in the coming months, adding the skills of mediation, bargaining, teamwork, and reconciliation. Then study design.
Scorpio October 23–November 21
You need some pleasure, recreation, freedom and affection. You work hard for your money but there comes a time when the work and money details must be set aside and a different determined focus must come forth—comfort, things pleasurable, beauty and the creative. These are paramount. You’re very charming and magnetic. They need to be released a bit more into the world.
Sagittarius November 22–December 20
Be sure to incorporate appreciation and support to all and everyone you encounter. These strengthen and reward you
with vision. They give meaning to other people’s lives. This is a formula that provides the charisma and security you seek. This last line is most important to ponder. You’re always
the teacher, shaping others’ beliefs and attitudes. There is gratitude for you everywhere.
Capricorn December 21–January 20
As your life develops you find yourself working consciously within discipline and order. Without structure, limitation and rules, life for all of us becomes dissipated. There’s no tension to work through and one can become lost. You’re aware that to be mature and ultimately successful, discipline leads to freedom. Provide kind and loving discipline to others.
Aquarius January 21–February 18
It’s important to consider what has value for you. And to see yourself as valuable. Being aware of the value of self means being aware of yourself as useful, of service, important in the world. Recognizing self as valuable creates self-esteem. This doesn’t come from others. Appreciation of your skills brings them forth. Name your skills.
Pisces February 19–March 20
It’s known that Pisces is otherworldly, dreamy, magical and unusual. Often how they exist in the world is a question. For many Pisces it’s as if they have taken spiritual vows. The abundance they understand is of the spirit. As the months unfold, resources become more and more available. You will use them wisely. Remain in the garden.
Risa is Founder & Director of the Esoteric & Astrological Studies & Research Institute, a contemporary Wisdom School in Santa Cruz, CA.