"Dude, the new Whitesnake kicks ass. It seriously kicks ass, bro."

"Sir, I know what a train is. Please stop."

"I smoke outside. I don't care about my lungs but I don't want to ruin my records."

"Where's your jazz section?"

"Over here. What are you looking for?"

"Sheryl Crow."

"Um—Sheryl Crow isn't jazz."

"Well, she's what I call jazz."

"You don't know Led Zeppelin?"

"No, I don't know too many bands from the olden days."

"Dude, how do you fall off a beach cruiser?"

"First Burning Man, then Symbiosis, then Earthdance. By the time he gets finished he's going to have one brain cell left."

"Well, I do live in a van with six dudes, but other than that everything's cool."

"Is this skipping or does it just suck?"

"I need a basket for my bike that's big enough to hold a cake, because that's what I usually carry."

"I just had a conversation about Citizen Kane with a 13-year-old. My faith in humanity is restored."

Compiled by Cat Johnson

CAT JOHNSON is a writer and music nerd who works in a record store. She blogs about music, art and culture at http://houseofcat.net.

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