A Band of Orcs declares war on eardrums. Next conquest? The Catalyst.
Marilyn Manson once said that if every cigarette shortens your life by six minutes, then each game of Dungeons and Dragons delays the loss of your virginity by six weeks. If he was right, then all of the members of A Band of Orcs are undoubtedly still waiting for that first magical game of belly bump. Further decreasing their nookie prospects, these guys appear onstage in Orc costumes so lifelike it’s downright scary. The group’s World of Warcraft-friendly death metal music is perfectly suited to its over-the-top appearance—which, as long as we’re making geeky references, seems to take more than passing inspiration from the Gamorrean guards in Return of the Jedi.
The latest news from the Orc realms: The band has just signed to Itchy Metal Entertainment Records and contributed a cover of Type O Negative’s “Green Man” to the album All for None, None for All: A Peter Steele Tribute. What’s more, August will see the release of 28-millimeter miniatures of all five band members: Oog (drums), Cretos (lead guitar), Hulg (rhythm guitar), Gronk! (bass) and Gogog (vocals).
With all of the Orcs’ recent conquests, the time is right for a “raid” … or, as we puny humans would say, a Band of Orcs show. The group will invade The Catalyst on Friday, with supporting acts Warbringer, Hatchet, Exmortus and Witchaven. In honor of the occasion, GT had a memorable powwow with these self-proclaimed WarChiefs of the Apocalypse.
Good Times: How do you feel about being signed to IME Records? How did the deal come about?
Gogog: Itchy Metal only label that offer deal not make Orc slave to human. Other label act like them masters of Orc, instead of Orcs masters of human. Us spare IME when the Domination come. We’re not signed to them—they signed to us! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!
Gronk!: Us welcome allies that make propOrcanda in war on human eardrums. IME try to conquer all humans, not just few. Us want conquer all humans, too. Not just few. Some human labels eat real small. Orc eat real big!
What do you think of the other bands you’ll be playing with at The Catalyst?
Hulg: These Orcs not think.
Gogog: Shut it! Gogog very excited to see Exmortus. Not seen them since them get new guitar slave, Sean. They will tear the stage up and destroy Santa Cruz best ever or else Gogog will feed Sean to Hulg.
Hulg: No, you tease Hulg. Hulg never get to eat Sean brain. Exmortus too damn good.
Gogog, doesn’t your voice get hoarse from singing like that?
Gogog: No, me eat horse and chase frogout of throat.
Do you have any pets?
Gogog: No. No more. Ate frog, too. Wait. Yes. Him name is Yardbone. Him bring water to Orcs.
Have Orcs got game? Does this band get groupies?
Gogog: Yes, all groupies are game. All human females want to make half-Orc with Gogog.
Cretos: Huh-huh. Him said half-Orc.
On your Facebook profile, you list Run DMC as one of your influences. Can you please explain?
Gogog: Gogog hear “King of Rock” and know they talk about I.
How do you feel about the release of A Band of Orcs miniatures?
Hulg: Small castings of soul in metal, awaits adornment, plastic prison. Beasts ensnared, sound exploding, though none comes from lead … head … red … dead.
If you could kill one human, who would you choose?
Cretos: Why stop once? Us kill all humans!
A Band of Orcs plays at 8:30 p.m. Friday, June 24, at The Catalyst, 1011 Pacific Ave., Santa Cruz. Tickets: $10/adv., $12/ door. Call 423-1338. Photo Credit: Kaley Nelson