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See Cam Run: Former Expendables guitarist Cam Hanson is going to be streaking through Santa Cruz Thursday. Slightly Stooped In the words of a sassy MSC staffer, "crotchety old men rule." And so, in the spirit of respecting our elders, I'm going to channel the crotchety-old-man-within who did not in any way, shape or form enjoy the Slightly Stoopid show at the Catalyst last Wednesday. In about 40 years, here's what he'll have to say: "What the shit was that? Is this what the state of music is coming to, when a headlining act at this town's biggest rock venue can get away with sounding like a herd of dying Jamaican elephants, and the kids still go nuts for it? Slightly Stoopid sucked a golf ball through the garden hose that I could never afford. They got off to a horrible start, with the levels so far out of whack that the bass sounded more like an evil alien instrument of sonic torture designed to cause spontaneous brain implosion, while the vocals and congas were inaudible, or at least indistinguishable from the garbled mess of sound waves exploding from the speakers. Then, right before my eyes, a gigantic mosh pit erupted, and it made me wonder ... maybe it's just loud noise that makes the kids these days mosh? Would they mosh to a bunch of garbage trucks? How about an earthquake? A low-flying jet? The vocals eventually came around, but the conga player might as well have gone on vacation in Trinidad, and the bass never fully recovered from its monstrous distortion. Gone were the rich textures and bittersweet, setting-sun irie vibe that tempered their cock-rock tendencies. Maybe they cleaned it up and kicked some real tunes later in the show, but I didn't stick around to find out. I left early with tears in my eyes, crying for these talented kids lost in a sea of distortion. Waaaaa!" On a happier note, Expendables manager Donovan Haney is working with Eminem and Dr. Dre engineer Brian Gardner on mastering the live acoustic show from last year, featuring the Expendables, Slightly Stoopid, the Floppy Rods, Ribsy's Nickel, Dub Congress and Bargain Music. Thursday! Thursday! Thursday! See an Ex-Expendable in Thong! Last October at the Expendables CD release party, the band's then-guitarist Cam Hanson and Bargain Music lead singer Josh Fischell made a bet: the first person to cut their hair or shave would have to run down Pacific Avenue in a thong, and the winner would get nothing besides a good, hearty laugh. Hanson, who recently quit the Expendables, lost the bet. And so, on Thursday, Aug. 28, at exactly 8:30pm, Hanson will arrive in front of the Catalyst wearing nothing but a thong, and then run to the other end of Pacific Avenue. Show up early to the Pepper/Bargain Music show to cheer him on! Upcoming The End O' Summer Surf Video Festival at the Vets Hall on Friday, Aug. 29, features surf footage from around the world (and Santa Cruz--maybe you'll see yourself?). Stick around for punk rock from Divit and In Like Sin after the movies. All ages; doors open at 7:30pm. Mike Connor [ Santa Cruz | Metroactive Central | Archives ]