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Line Drive
Want to meet people? Start up a conversation with a hottie? Get punched in the face? Have we got a pickup line for you!
By Rebecca Patt
THE ART of the pickup line is in sorry shape, assuming you can stomach calling it an art in the first place. One local bartender put it best when he summed it up thusly: "Nobody has any game anymore."
These days, it seems, the most common pickup method now is for the impending hookupees to simply stare at each other for a few minutes and then go off and start sucking face. It's like freakin' Animal Planet out there.
In fact, after extensive research night after night at bars all over town, I observed only one attempt at wielding a pickup line--and a failed one at that--when a drunken woman approached my friend at the Fog Bank with the line, "When I look into your eyes they're as blue as the ocean, and you're somebody I want to know because they're as deep as the ocean."
My volunteer research assistant even helped out by going to numerous local bars and announcing to women in a mack-daddy voice, "Hey, do you work for UPS? Because I thought I saw you staring at my package." But to no avail.
But Does It Work?
Pickup-line success stories are out there, though. I heard of one guy who met his wife when he introduced himself with the line, "Hey, do you want to go have pizza and fuck? What? You don't like pizza?" Another friend tells of how he and his buddies used to break the ice with women by using the fictional "Jill" tactic. When they saw a woman they found attractive, they would rush up to her and start gushing, "Jill!? Oh my God, you look just like Jill! I just love Jill!"
Apparently, the secret is in the delivery. The line has to be delivered so smoothly and with such charm that people won't know or won't care that it's a line, especially when you're saying something as brazen and stupid as "Would you like to be my love buffet so I can lay you on a table and take what I want?"
So if the staring technique isn't working for you, you might want to try some of the lines listed below. They range from lines for the shy beginner to the hardcore man-eater/womanizer to the Renaissance babe, and most of them are totally ridiculous. Success is not guaranteed--hell, it's not even remotely likely--but who knows, maybe you'll get laid, or even meet the love of your life. There's also a section of retorts so you'll know how to give a clear signal you're not interested when some toad tries to hit on you.
For the Beginner:
Lines That Make You Go 'Huh?'
Christian, Medieval and Election Day Pickup Lines
Lines That Might Actually Work
Bold and Smarmy Lines
Coy Lines
More Bold and Smarmy Lines
Bold, Smarmy and Coy Lines
Saucy and Sleazy Lines
Comebacks
LINE: Where have you been all my life?
LINE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
LINE: Is this seat empty?
LINE: Your place or mine?
LINE: So, what do you do for a living?
LINE: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
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