The holidays are here and now that it’s the last month of the year, everyone is waiting for a special someone to come to town. A jolly, festive man who has given us all so much over the years. However, this person is someone the big guy in red probably has on his naughty list.
But that’s why we love him.
Move over, Santa, because St. Nick the Dick is coming to town. That’s right, John Waters—aka the Pope of Trash—returns to cities across the nation for his annual holiday special, A John Waters Christmas. And this year he is kicking it off at the Rio Theatre on Sunday, Dec. 1.
“I always have fun in Santa Cruz,” Waters says. “The [Giant Dipper] is my favorite and I love the downtown. It’s like a hipper Santa Barbara but with an edge.”
For the uninitiated, A John Waters Christmas is a yearly tradition of trash that the self-proclaimed Father Fistmas has celebrated for three decades. Each year is completely different, with Waters writing and performing 70 minutes of what he does best. No topic is safe as he discusses everything from his non-ironic love for the season to how to be nude at Christmas and the best type of sex acts when staying at the parents’ or relatives’ house.
“I also say ‘I don’t judge people’ but I really do,” says Waters with his touch of wickedness. “So I’m gonna tell you who I judge. Just like Santa, I’m keeping a list!”
It all began in 1986 when Waters wrote a chapter called “Why I Love Christmas” for his book Crackpot, The Obsessions of John Waters. Ten years later, he performed his first Christmas special in San Francisco at the infamous Castro Theatre. This year, the 78-year-old Kris Kringleberries is performing 14 shows over 18 days ending in his hometown of Baltimore.
“It’s a 70-minute show so that’s like writing a mini book every year, and I have to memorize it!” he exclaims.
For fans of Waters, his love for Christmas is well known.
In his iconic, boundary-pushing 1974 indie film, Female Trouble, one of the earliest scenes is of anti-hero Dawn Davenport—played by the late, notorious drag queen and Waters collaborator, Divine—arguing with her parents (played by Betty Woods and Roland Hertz) on Christmas morning because she didn’t get the cha-cha heel shoes she wanted.
When her mother tells her to calm down, Dawn hilariously throws the tree on top of her, screaming, “Get off me, you ugly witch!”
“That really happened,” explains Waters. “The tree really did fall over on my grandmother. I didn’t knock it over, but I remember as a child being obsessed by her being pinned under the tree. Not for long, or anything. She thought it was funny later in life when she heard I put it in the movie.”
However, the real question is: besides the annual show, what does the legendary filmmaker, author, writer and art collector do for Christmas? In true Filth Elder (a name given to him by beat author and poet, William H. Burroughs) fashion, it involves another piece of Female Trouble fun: decorating the electric chair Dawn Davenport was fried in at the end of the movie.
“And I just got the electric chair back from the show at the Academy Awards Museum!” he exclaims, referring to the John Waters: Pope of Trash exhibit that ran from Sept. 17, 2023, to Aug. 4, 2024, at the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures in Los Angeles.
“So it’s freshly back and ready to get decorated.”
But that’s not to say he doesn’t appreciate a good ol’ fashioned conventional holiday. For instance, this year it’s his turn to host the family and friends.
“I do the traditions of Christmas but with a twist,” he snickers in a devilish tone.
“Decorating the electric chair is traditional in my house and I have a wreath with briars on it that rips your clothes when you come in. It’s like an S&M wreath. I also have a lot of great gifts fans have given me. One is Divine knocking over the Christmas tree—you put batteries in it and it goes back and forth.”
Which all bears the question: What’s the best gift he’s ever received?
“Divine once gave me a cashmere blanket. Now, I never buy cashmere because it just means moths,” says Waters. “Attention all moths! Woodstock awaits you! But I still have it in my bedroom.”
In a candid moment, Waters pauses in an uncharacteristic fashion before adding, “He probably stole it.”
However, there’s one gift fans definitely shouldn’t bring for him to the Rio unless they want a lump of coal in their stocking.
“To me it’s insulting to give a gift card,” he says. “It means you think they’re stupid.”
John Waters Christmas takes place at 8pm on Dec. 1 at the Rio Theatre, 1205 Soquel Ave., Santa Cruz. $45–$125.
