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SIGNED, SEALED, BEWILDERED

BriefsBernieThis week, in totally unverified scuttlebutt, we’d like to announce that the United States Postal Service is endorsing Bernie Sanders in his bid for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination, according to a totally not-sarcastic-at-all press release GT received recently.

The statement came in an envelope with a ginormous stamp—more than 3 inches long—featuring the finger-wagging Sanders, with the words “I’m voting for Bernie!” across the top. It looked suspicious … so we caught up with the most suspicious person we know, the Comic News Thom Zajac. Zajac insists he had nothing to do with the outrageous announcement, which GT has not bothered to actually investigate.

“Although I’m very surprised they decided to have a living person on a stamp and to make a political statement, I understand these are dire times for the post office,” Zajac says. “They have to do what they have to do.”

Some people may have figured Zajac to be the likely culprit in this escapade, due to his involvement in President Richard Nixon’s unfortunate scandal. No, no, not Watergate—but the giant stamp in 1995 that featured Nixon standing behind bars. OK, it wasn’t really a stamp, but actually an envelope featuring a large picture of a guy in a suit behind bars, and an official stamp of Nixon’s head at the center. Anyway, that story got picked up by the New York Times and Playboy, and Dan Rather waved one of the iconic Nixon envelopes on national television.

“I don’t know where these rumors originate from. I do think it’s a brilliant idea,” Zajac says of the Sanders stamp. “With my history, when anything like this happens, I’m going to be a suspect.”

Call it a coincidence, but Zajac does happen to be a big Sanders supporter, one who’s happy that the Vermont Independent is going after the Democratic Party nomination, instead of running as a third-party fringe candidate.

“I’m more excited about Bernie Sanders than any presidential candidate in my lifetime,” Zajac says, “and I’m about as cynical as they come.”

Fans of Zajac’s work can order their own “I’m Voting for Bernie” envelope at thecomicnews.com. 

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